Ode To Twitter

There are some fine and lovely people on Twitter. This is dedicated to the other sort.

(aka Ode To Lumps Of Green Putty I Find In My DM Folder On A Daily Basis)

Sing along to the tune of the Friends theme:


So no-one told you
Some tweeps would be this slack
Facebook’s a joke
You poke
And never get poked back

Maybe I’m real, maybe I use an app
I might be software, what we call
A bot
But wait!
Here come the claps, and

I DM’ed at you
Saying, “Please buy my book.”
I DM’ed at you
Saying, “Just take a look.”
I DM’ed at you
Just cos spam’s what we do

You’re on the internet
You’re wasting lots of time
You’ve followed some nice profiles
And then you followed mine
But no-one warned you
There’d be tweeps like us
Who just follow you and then
Send links to books
And make you cuss, and

I’ll be there for you
If you’ll just buy my book
I’ll be there for you
Go on, please, take a look
I’ll be there for you
(Though that might not be true)

No-one could ever know us
No-one could ever see us
Cos we’re the only ones who know
If we’re real or lifeless
We’re here to make it less fun
Spoil it for all the nice ones
Like a TWeetstream case of the runs
Even at our best we’re onenists, yeah

So you thought Twitter was the place to meet
I know I haven’t returned an
Or even Retweet, but

We will follow you
Just so we can DM
Like the Latin phrase goes
We will crappe diem
We will follow you
Flush your tweets down the loo

In truth we are a bore
Your tweets we will ignore
Please try not to be sore
If we DM you some more


Repeat and fade and hope the bots and spammers do the same. 🙂


SAF 2012


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